![]() When those photos leak that haven't been airbrushed It's so hard to remember to put panties on I'll sleep through the days and party all night long Paparazzi gettin' pictures of my implant scars 'Cause we all just wanna be big pop stars Gonna hang out with the laughing stock of society Gonna make the boys all drool and stare at my. I'm gonna dress myself without an ounce of class, Oversaturate the market 'till everyone is sick of me ![]() Gonna sing canned music that my label feeds me ![]() I wanna be generic, let the media lead me My listeners will be people in their tweensĪnd old perverts who can't wait till I turn eighteenīut my good girl image won't last too longīut by my third album I'll act like a full blown hoe, well Start out innocent to get my fanbase large Start my new life wearing those Mickey ears I'll give the child labourers a signed copy of my CD It's all made in sweatshops, but that's just fine I want my own perfume and a clothing line Gonna date Justin Timberlake to gain some credibility. I'll need a good producer 'cause you know I can't singĪnd a lawyer who can get me out of anything I want a brand new nose and a cleft in my chinĪnd some breast implants I'll deny I put inĪnd a tea cup poodle that I'm always carrying with me. So I'll grant her her wish and I won't stop till I'm on TV I'm only nine and she makes me put makeup on, I'm through with living in trailers with my pushy mom, Youtube the video, it's hilarious! He's really funny. In summary, this song makes literally no sense and is the worst thing of all time.Someone might have put this one up already, I didn't really have time to look through them all!īy the way, I didn't actually write this, a guy called JamesatWar did. And if that is the real answer, it poses another question: how can a man ever be happy when, at the end of the day, he is still Chad Kroeger? Perhaps it is, instead, a totally face value account of the fact that Chad's got everything and thinks it's pretty brilliant, actually. Perhaps we're trying too hard and maybe Rockstar is not clever or postmodern or satirical or anything at all like that. Perhaps it is about perception and reality, and Chad thinks he's the first celebrity ever to play a character in public. So is Chad attempting to satirise his peers without realising he's as bad as they are? Or is it self-analytical? Is this a song in which Chad admits he is a pillock? Or, is this self-styled everyman singing a cautionary tale for the kids, and is this "this is what you'll become" ditty an attempt to put people off stealing Nickelback's crown? (This was before he was charged with drunk driving in 2006.) The character in Rockstar also claims "I'd even cut my hair and change my name" Chad's real name is Chad Turton. Is this song a satire, and if so, what does it seek to satirise? "I want a brand new house on an episode of Cribs," Chad (or Chad's 'character') notes Chad's already been on Cribs, showing off platinum discs around the pool table and a collection of sports cars. It's a Smack The Pony skit without the laughter track ironic, given that Rockstar is one of the most unintentionally hilarious songs of the last few years. And so it continues, for more than four horrifying minutes. "The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap, we'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat". "Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars, and live in hilltop houses driving 15 cars," Chad sings. With trademark Nickelback subtlety, Rockstar is about being a rock star. The B-52s' Love Shack has a full three seconds before it really gets going even some terrorist organisations offer some sort of tip-off. This sound of hell opening up offers the listener no safety zone in which to leap towards their radio's off switch in a slow-mo "NOOOOOO!!!!!" fashion. ![]() Its most terrifying feature is in its first millisecond, in that Chad's vocals appear completely without warning. So, in case you are not aware of this song's charms, simply imagine a Nickelback song, but worse. ![]() The fact that Rockstar has already spent over two months on the chart and is currently at No 3 also cements the theory that the worse a Chad Kroeger single is, the better it performs - this is in line with the Spider-Man soundtrack single Hero (fairly terrible) selling fewer copies than How You Remind Me (very terrible). The worst Nickelback song of all time is, of course, their current hit, Rockstar. ![]()
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